i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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