omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
