Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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