im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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