Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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