Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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