Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(816): View more from Missouri

I hate your face

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.

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(251): View more from Alabama

I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.

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(864): View more from South Carolina

For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.

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(972): View more from Texas

we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry

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(905): View more from Ontario

But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.

(1-905): View more from Ontario

Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.

(905): View more from Ontario

But I want to be Keith.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.

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