So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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