dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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