I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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