I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
