onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
try to milk me bitch
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
