They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
