She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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