He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Randomize
