im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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