just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
