So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
