I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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