i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
