I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
it's great music for shaving your balls
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
