my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
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