I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
