There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
