So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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