i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I did not marry a roomba.
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