Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
