In the future we'll all be gay
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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