i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
