Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
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I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
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Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Randomize