I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
