All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
