I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
