i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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