so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
