sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
