I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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