Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
