Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
