it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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