Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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