You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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