Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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