I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
