I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
