if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Randomize
