help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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