Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Randomize
