i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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