What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
