i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
