I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I cut my penus on the lid.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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