wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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