this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
