he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
