i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
