chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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