so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
