you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
