the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I want to be your penis for a week.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Randomize
