I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
No I am not eating basil off your cock
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
