Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Randomize
