I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
