just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
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Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
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Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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