College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
