i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Success! We fucked roommates!
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
