I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
