I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
well most of my day revolves around power hour
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
