Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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