So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
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I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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