we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
