i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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