fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
