smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
