I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
