It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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