that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
