Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Randomize
